Forgiveness

The first part of this week was really tough for me. Monday I took Kirsten and Chris to the gym for a work-out. Chris is too young to use any of the machines, per gym rules, but feels he is to mature to go into "kids club" so wanted to hang out and just watch TV while Kirsten and I worked out. Kirsten expressed on more than one occassion that she hates it when Chris comes with us because she doesnt want him watching her work out. From the zoned out appearance on Chris' face as he watches Sponge Bob on the TV, I can't imagine him noticing anyone else around him, and try to encourage her that everyone is focused on what they are doing, and not to worry about her brother. She continues and continues, until I can't hold it in any longer. She then tells me she is angry with her brother because he lied to her. WOW....not that I encourage lying, but what kid hasn't told a lie at one time or another, and then I hear this particular lie happened at least 3 months ago, and she has been carrying this around ever since.

When we got home, I pulled her aside and asked her if she knew what "Grace" meant. Being a smart kid, she said "being forgiven for something we don't deserve to be forgiven for". Perfect she understood, I thought. I told her that God has forgiven us for all of our many faults in this life, and even better, after he forgives, he then forgets. That's the second part of Grace. He doesn't carry it around in a back pack waiting to whip it out and confront us at every turn. He forgives and then forgets, never to have it mentioned again. I told her if her brother has created an injustice and she wants to punish him by not talking to him, etc....that's fine for a day, but when the day is over she has to let go, and move on. Otherwise the baggage she carries on her back will become so heavy that she won't be able to have fun and enjoy her life, because she will be too intent on reminding everyone of their faults against her. She understood, but seemed unable to commit to such an undertaking as "forgetting".

I felt utterly defeated as I walked away, and for a few brief moments thought about giving her a taste of her own medicine. However it didnt take me more than 5 minutes to realize, that would only make me feel worst, because I'm not that kind of person. So I went outside for some peace and prayed. I prayed that God would show me how to teach my teenage daughter about true forgiveness. I prayed that he would talk to her.

Several hours later she was setting the table for me, and moved a beautiful flower arrangement Heather had made for me to an end table. Unfortunately she set the doily underneath it rather than in front of it. Scamper, (the cat) wandered out, saw the doily hanging down and pulled on it. The vase came crashing down and broke in hundreds of pieces all over my wood floor. Because of the thickness of the vase it actually chipped my floor. These are floors I saved up for , for a long time! And now, they were marred by little chips in the finish. The vase I had received for Mothers Day...gone.

I was of course upset with the Cat, but he didn't know any better, and I was upset with Kirsten because it was partially her fault. She didn't know any better either, but after the afternoon we had had it wasn't as easy to so quickly dismiss her part in all this.

I went to the gym with Heather and had a good workout, and when I came back, she told me she was sorry for everything. She said she was talking to Doris, (her guinea pig) and Doris told her she was wrong not to forgive and forget, and that she would try harder. Thank you Lord I know you work in all kinds of mysterious ways....even throught Guinea pigs named Doris.

So, now my floors have a little imperfection in them, not much different than the imperfections in me. In time I am sure I will hardly notice them. The vase is replacable and Heather has already promised to fix the arrangement in a new vase when I get one. My relationship with Kirsten continues to take on new legs, and I am thankful that God walks with me, every minute of every day, and when I am at my own breaking point, he steps in and seems to open all of our eyes to the lesson HE is trying to teach.

Yesterday, I took both kids, and 3 of their friends to NRH20 for the day. A local water park with lots of slides. This was my first expedition that I can recall in a large park where I would not have my eyes on them for safety at every possible minute, and where I would be the only adult. They are 10 and 13 now, so I need to start letting go a little bit. So I set down the rules. I took my own chair so it would stick out among the others, and a white board with a marker. They had to stay with their friend(s), and check back with me every time they were changing location in the park. If I wasn't in the chair for them to tell then they were to write it on the white board so when I came back I would know where they were. I prayed before we left, prayed while on the drive there, and prayed the many times we were there to keep each one safe, and protect them from harm. We had a few minor issues where Chris lost track of Bailey or Bailey lost track of Chris in the lazy river, but thankfully both were smart enough to come back to the chair for help, and we were able to reconnect. Had one scary moment in the wave pool where Chris fell off his inner tube, and had a moment of panic when he couldn't touch. He is an excellent swimmer, but he is normally in our pool where there aren't a bunch of people and waves to contend with. Thankfully I was with him and Bailey and was able to reach out and grab his arm until the panic went away. (Thankyou Lord....for making sure I was there.)

The girls seemed to have a more difficult time towards the end of the day with keeping to the rules of checking in, and staying where they said they were gonna be, thus causing us to get out of the park, later than I had promised the other parents. When they realized they had tried to stretch the rules and I was not happy with them, they apologized. I of course forgave them. The forgetting part may take longer, not with Kirsten but perhaps with choosing friends that will support her in the rules she needs to follow rather than those who might look for loop holes. Thankfully one of her friends -was such a person and knew where the other two were when they failed to tell me. Thank you Lord once again for watching over all of us. Protecting us from harm, and delivering us all home safe and sound.